My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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