how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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