dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
