Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
