the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
