very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was born a porn star she said
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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