I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
