my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
