Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
