dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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