Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
