I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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