great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
