he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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