My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
