somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
