yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
