Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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