I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
