i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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