Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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