This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
