his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
