Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
