Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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