Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
