I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
