I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
