the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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