I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
