If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
