google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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