just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
