I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
