are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
