so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
