Say something about gay babies.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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