I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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