ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
