the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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