you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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