My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
