why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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