Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
