Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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