Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
