We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
