Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
