I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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