I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
